But even the simplest statement can be interpreted in so many ways, and therefore misinterpreted.

This is not something I am saying because I am choosing to mope about, or even to say "poor me", nor am I keeping myself from being happy or choosing to be unhappy, since I love myself enough to know and feel that I deserve happiness. This is not something I want pity or sympathy for. It is not something that anyone should be made to feel guilty or otherwise bad about, either. It is a simple statement of truth about how my feelings are, and such feelings are not my choice. My only choice in it is what I do with the feelings, the actions that I take in dealing with them, and the way that I treat others, including myself. My feelings are something that I need understanding for, rather than usual judgments from family and others... especially inappropriate assumptions about who I am or what is going on in my life. If no one else, though, I simply need this understanding from my twin flame, so that I don't have to feel completely alone in the world.

Saying something honestly and objectively is not something that should generate any kind of judgmental reaction from people, nor should it cause a reaction that reflects any aspects of unlove whatsoever. Unfortunately, many people tend to react in such a way to any genuine emotions, especially the negative ones. Of course this is often because they can't even understand or deal with their own emotions in the first place. But the simplest fact, is that I need love, empathy and understanding, just like anyone needs and deserves. People should live in love and spread love, not pain. Love is the solution and healer of things. And, I think another important point I wanted humans to realize, is that, feeling pain and spreading pain are two different things, even though humans may often tend to do both at the same time simply because they don't know how else to handle it.

With that said, I still don't know how exactly I am supposed to explain the "why". Why am I not happy? Of course there are reasons. And there are reasons that are too complicated convey. But reasons for feelings shouldn't always have to be explained... It just is. Emotions are the way they are, and I am a sensitive soul. And feelings just need to be shown love as well, no matter what they are.

But just because I have learned to love myself, and that my twin flame is here living with me, it doesn't mean that everything is okay, or that the hardest is over. And things are hard.

Currently I am also suffering from an unpleasant infection that I assume to be the same virus I had much earlier this year, or else something similar... Either way it's been going on for a couple weeks or so... making it very painful to talk, smile or even move my mouth, so of course it's been difficult to eat too. And that's pretty sad, especially considering that I already have a ton of problems with eating at it is.

Speaking of eating, yeah, yesterday was Thanksgiving, although I can't say I had anything to eat that I wanted, or much of anything to eat in the first place. But the important thing is that I got some nice time with my best friend. I would write about what happened yesterday, but now I don't really feel like it anyway.... I do not feel like writing is working at the moment either. Yesterday is then and today is now. And right now I just want to be healthier, and to be able to do things without feeling physically or emotionally miserable. And feeling fairly miserable lately, I don't feel like I can write, or do much of anything. Until I get over this virus, or whatever it is, I don't think I'm going to be feeling particularly great either. Everything is too painful, physically and emotionally.

Maybe someday I will be able to write about what is really going on. And what would make me happy...

I need my dream to live in.